Tuesday, November 20, 2001

My plans for Thanksgiving may change, but I think I'm going to try to get fully moved in to my new place and organize it. Last night I dropped off a couple boxes that I still had at my current place. They were mostly CDs and when I put them all on the CD rack that I bought recently it almost filled it -- 700 CDs and I almost filled it. Conspicuous comsumption indeed. Well, maybe not. I don't really see CDs as being conspicuous, maybe if they were cars or houses or something. But, damn, that's well over $7,000 spent on CDs. Who knew?

I have a sore neck today and I have no idea why.

For Christmas I may ask for money to hire a personal trainer. I figure it's something I both want and need. I really like working out and I can tell I'm stronger and in much better shape than before -- really, I'm probably perfectly healthy -- but I'd like to be thinner. Maybe I'm being silly about that, but the way I see it I deserve it and it would be a new experience. I've had a taste of being thinner in high school when I returned from Cyprus and it was fun; people noticed; I had dates and girlfriends. But then I gained weight and that all stopped. So do people base attraction on looks, noooooo, of course not, how shallow. Ha. I have personal experience to back me up and it's done a wonderful job of adding to my slightly cynical attitude when it comes to dating and people in general. Anyway, I'd like to get back to that and I'd like to be thin enough that I can see it myself. I know I've lost a lot of weight, but I can't see much of a difference because I still have a ways to go, so my mind doesn't really register it. A lot of days I feel like I really haven't made any progress. And then a cute girl looks at me in that way and I think I have. Weird.

Am I buying into the shallowness myself? Maybe, but maybe I'm just playing to the world's shallowness...?


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