Food

I have a problem with food.

I like it far too much.

I've been overweight since I was five or six, but only really got serious about trying to lose weight and get in shape in '99 or 2000. In that time I've done pretty well and have lost around 100 lbs. Good for me.

Recently, I went off the diet I've been on for about a year because I was burned out on being on it. It's not that I was unhappy with my progress on it, it's that I was tired of being so careful about what I was eating all the time. So, I went off it and had some days in which I "treated" myself a little too much. Easy to do over the holidays. And an amazing thing happened: I found that I really don't like how I feel when I eat too much or have too many sweets.

The couple of weeks I've taken off the diet were originally meant to give me a break, but they've made me really look at how and what I eat and I've realized that I need to think differently about food and that I may not have to think about it quite as much as I have in the past. I don't need to be so fixated on what I'm eating and what I'm not eating. I've always had a bad problem with feeling like if I don't eat something that looks tasty when it's available that I won't get a chance to ever have it again. No, it doesn't make sense, but that's how my mind works. It seems like after my recent experiences that that's not really what I want for myself; it makes me feel crappy after I do it (physically) and it makes me fat (which sucks).

All of which means, hopefully, that I have a new attitude about food and what I want/need to eat. I hope I can keep this attitude in my head on a subconscious level, because trying not to think about food is as bad as thinking about it on some level.

When I restart my diet I'm going to try and stick to what it says I ought to be eating, but at the same time, I'm not going to slavishly stick to it. I'm going to do my best and allow myself a little variation while keeping in mind what I've said above.

Hopefully I'll still get some sort of benefit out of this shift in attitude. It's been a long time in coming and I feel like it will make a difference in my life. I know every time I've had one of these shifts in the past it's been very good for me and I'd love it if this turned out as well.

I'm not sure what brought on this post. I was just sitting here and had some time. Some of it was certainly because I've been snacking too much, some of it is because I've gained some weight since I was at my lightest a while ago, and some if probably because a lot of the XXL clothes I received for Christmas don't fit as well as they would have when I was at my lightest. Maybe it's a Perfect Storm revolving around my weight/food issues that will end up with a positive net effect for me.

I really hope that's true.